Xavier Woods – The North Jersey Nonconformist

Stone Cold Steve Austin Will be at WrestleMania 38 in a main event segment. What?

I had planned to end my rant about the WrestleMania 38 card being watered down when spread over two nights with my last blog post. Then Kevin Owens announced on Monday Night Raw that his KO Show interview of Stone Cold Steve Austin will be the main event of WrestleMania Saturday.

Let that sink in for a moment. The main event of a WrestleMania event is not even a match!

Granted WrestleMania is always a different show that is intended to stand out from the rest of the pay-per-views throughout the year. It leans more on the entertainment aspects of WWE’s content than a regular show would. But the word “wrestle” is still in WrestleMania! It still should be about wrestling matches, especially in the main event.

Let us flash back to WrestleMania V at Boardwalk Hall in Atlantic City, New Jersey. There were fourteen matches on the card.

Midway through the show, Rowdy Roddy Piper hosted Morton Downey Jr. on a Piper’s Pit segment in the ring. Downey was a controversial television host at the time and Piper was already a wrestling legend. The segment lasted for a few minutes and ended with a quick laugh when Piper sprayed Downey in the face with a fire extinguisher because Downey refused to extinguish his cigarette.

WrestleMania V culminated in a main event between Randy Macho Man Savage and Hulk Hogan for the WWF championship. It was an instant classic of a match between the two biggest stars in the WWF at the time that was built up over the course of the year. The main event was not the damn Piper’s Pit segment! That segment was where it belonged, filler in the middle of the card.

I was going to give my analysis of the Austin segment later in the week, but in the context of this rant, I will do it now.

The KO Show featuring Stone Cold Steve Austin

On March 30, 2003, WrestleMania XIX took place at Safeco Field in Seattle, Washington. In the penultimate match on the card, The Rock defeated Stone Cold Steve Austin. It was their third and final WrestleMania matchup, and unbeknownst to us at the time, it was Austin’s last match. It was kept from the public that it this would be the conclusion of his in-ring career. His body was failing, and he knew he could no longer continue.

The fans were not ready to see Austin retire, and he did not want to leave. He later would admit that he struggled through an existential crisis for years without the job that he loved. But continually refused multiple offers to wrestle any more matches. He knew that he was physically incapable of performing at the highest level. His pride kept him from tarnishing his legacy and embarrassing himself. It was rumored that Austin was once again offered to work a match at WrestleMania 38.

Austin would return for various guest appearances in the 19 years since his retirement. One memorable example was when he delivered a Stunner to Xavier Woods at WrestleMania 32, the last time WrestleMania was in Dallas, Texas. This year, in lieu of the match he reportedly refused, Austin will be in a much higher profile WrestleMania segment.

Austin’s journey to WrestleMania 38 began with Kevin Owens disrespecting and insulting the state of Texas repeatedly on Raw. In the beginning, it was hard to understand where this angle was headed. But Owens, who did not have a match lined up for WrestleMania, invited Steve Austin to be a guest on his KO Show at WrestleMania. In a taped segment, Austin agreed to Owen’s offer the next day.

Let’s consider the potential scenarios for how this will play out:

Scenario 1: The WWE will attempt to recreate a classic Austin “raising hell” segment with a prop like a monster truck or a beer truck, but bigger and more elaborate.
Scenario 2: Another Austin foil such as Mr. McMahon will interject himself into the segment and Austin will beat him up.
Scenario 3: Austin and Owens will come to blows, Austin will grab a microphone and demand a referee come to the ring and ring the bell to start an impromptu match between him and Owens. He will deliver a Lou Thesz Press and a quick Stunner to Owens giving us one last “match” that will total about 45 seconds.
Scenario 4: Austin and Owens argue about the state of Texas and Owen’s pilfering of Austin’s Stunner as his finisher. Austin will kick Owens in the plumbs and give him three or four Stunners.

No matter which scenario they pick, Austin will shotgun about a dozen beers and give the crowd the double-bird as the announcers thank us for tuning in.

If you imagine any of these scenarios as a segment somewhere in the middle of the show, it sounds great. We get to see Austin do something funny and he maintains his integrity for not wrestling one more match.

But if you imagine this as the main event of WrestleMania Saturday, it is a creative trap from hell. How do you shape any of these scenarios into a WrestleMania main-event-level production? In Scenario 1 does he bring a machine gun to the ring and blow Owens away? In Scenario 2 does Mr. McMahon make a run-in only to eat a Stunner? In Scenario 3 does a quick match really belong as a main event? In Scenario 4, what can the two possibly say or do to each other that would make this better than a wrestling match in this segment? In conclusion I am not happy with this situation because of where it is placed on the show. I can not get past the fact that the main event of WrestleMania Saturday is not a wrestling match!

WrestleMania season is always the best time of year to be a WWE fan, and with just two weeks left until WrestleMania 33, this year is no different. The hype for the big event is in high gear at this point with 11 matches already announced for the card. Things took an interesting turn today when the WWE got some press the probably weren’t hoping for. News broke that one of the hosts of WrestleMania, Xavier Woods of The New Day was featured in a leaked sex tape with likely-soon-to-be-former WWE Superstar Paige. It’s a New Day, yes it is!

One of the WrestleMania 33 hosts, Xavier Woods of The New Day holding his trombone. His other instrument was just shown to the world in a leaked sex tape today.

The press around the sex tape notwithstanding, the WWE always casts a wide net during WrestleMania season to attract both hardcore and casual fans. The economic impact due to WrestleMania to the city of Orlando is expected to be massive. WrestleMania is the best opportunity for the WWE to increase the subscriber count for the WWE Network. So, if you are a hardcore fan, you are likely to be happy with some of the announced matches on the card as they are geared towards you. Some other matches, geared towards the casual fan, not so much. There is a lot of good going on right now, and a little bit of bad.

What’s Looking Good So Far

No better place to start with the good than with the two major title matches. One features two full-time superstars who are deserving of the honor of carrying one of the main events at WrestleMania. The other features a part-time feature attraction, and a returning hero, years past his prime but still capable of producing an entertaining spectacle.

The Bray Wyatt vs. Randy Orton match is one that current fans should really enjoy. It is a WWE title match built on a long-running and emotional angle. There is a huge amount of animosity between the two and has the potential to be a classic.

The new WWE Universal Championship will be defended for the first time at a WrestleMania when Brock Lesnar and Goldberg collide in the other main event. This match is a bit more controversial among the regular fan base, with many bemoaning the fact that a part-timer and a returning superstar are taking away a spot from two regulars who should be in that spot instead. I don’t share that view, I think that the build since Survivor Series towards this match has been pretty solid. Despite the fact that Goldberg can’t wrestle for more than about five minutes, he is an imposing physical specimen, and carries himself with the same ferocity and intensity as he did during his WCW heyday. The WWE had to put this match on the card, it will certainly bring back more than a few fans who were fans of the old WCW that have been gone for a long time.

Just behind the two main events on the “good” spectrum are two grudge matches, one between Chris Jericho and Kevin Owens and the other between AJ Styles and Shane McMahon.

The Jericho vs. Owens match is for the WWE United States Championship, but that is merely a footnote in this match. Their rivalry is built on a slow-burn storyline that has spanned months. With their once comical and entertaining friendship now shattered, the animosity between the two is immense. Both men are in a position to deliver one of the biggest matches of their respective careers.

AJ Styles will get a chance to showcase his talents for the second time at a WrestleMana against the unpredictable and risk-taking Shane McMahon. Styles has been a smash-hit in his 14 month WWE tenure, drawing in-ring ability comparisons to Shawn Michaels, and having already captured and lost a WWE Championship. Shane McMahon has earned the fans respect over the course of his on-and-off tenure with the WWE by laying it all on the line during his matches. He might not be the best wrestler, but he can be counted on to practically risk his life to put on a good show, especially at WrestleMania.

What’s Looking Bad So Far

With probably what will add up to more than 11 matches and over 7 hours of content, there is no way that everything we see will be top-notch. Either because the talents involved in them aren’t the best, or because the matches are geared towards entertaining the casual fan, chances are we are going to get a few stinkers.

First, there is The Undertaker vs. Roman Reigns match, the match that virtually no fan wanted to see at WrestleMania. The Undertaker is widely regarded as the best WrestleMania performer of all time, and sports an unprecedented 23-1 record at the biggest event of the year. Roman Reigns, on the other hand, is absolutely terrible. He has done nothing to gain the respect of WWE fans. It’s not like he hasn’t had his chance, he’s already been in not one, but two WrestleMania main events. If he hasn’t caught fire yet, he never will. One can only hope that the rumors he will ruin a third WrestleMania main event next year never come to fruition.

The Undertaker deserves better than this, he should be in the ring with John Cena or Braun Strowman this year. Both men were rumored to be WrestleMania opponents of The Deadman, but that obviously did not happen. The WWE even teased Strowman as the Undertaker’s opponent a few weeks ago on Raw. The live crowd was buzzing as the two men stood toe-to-toe in the ring. Then the WWE made the creatively foolish decision to have Strowman, who was riding a high wave of heel heat as a monster heel, back down to the Undertaker and retreat from the ring. You could feel mood in the arena deflate as Roman Reigns hit the ring instead and challenge the Undertaker to a WrestleMania match.

I’d prefer to have seen either Cena or Strowman take on The Undertaker. Heck, I’d take pretty much anybody on the roster over Reigns. Instead give me Big Show, Dolph Ziggler, Kane, Luke Harper, Dean Ambrose, Kevin Owens, Charlotte Flair, whatever! Anybody but Reigns!

Or course, the most god-awful WrestleMania booking decision that I can even remember, is the mixed tag team match pitting John Cena and Nikki Bella against The Miz and Maryese. It’s hard to say where “Big Match John” went wrong, but something is amiss if he suddenly was reduced from main-event status to being in what essentially is a commercial for The Total Bellas reality show. This match isn’t targeted towards the loyal fan at all. Instead it is intended as a gimmick to gain the interest of people from outside the circle of WWE fans.

Think about it for one minute. John Cena is in a match versus Maryese. Maryese! Has she even had a match? I fast forward through all Women’s matches on Raw and Smackdown, but even still, I don’t recall ever seeing her even wrestle! Nikki Bella’s matches are almost always a series of botches and mistakes that are painful to watch. John Cena is going to be in the ring with both them! He’s a multi-time WrestleMania main-eventer!

To their credit, Cena and The Miz have done their best to build towards this match, cutting pretty vicious reality-based promos on each other. The Miz is a dependable heel, and Cena is pretty much the best wrestler in the WWE right now. But, like a guy at my old Harley Davidson dealership once told me: “You can’t polish a turd.”. This match is going to suck. It should have been a singles match between Miz and Cena, but we are going to have to suffer through this mess instead.

It also bad that there doesn’t appear to be an obvious top spot for Braun Strowman headed into WrestleMania. Strowman is a rare case of the WWE building someone organically into a top heel. Ever since the brand-split in July 2016, Strowman was showcased in a way that gave him a chance to gain the respect of WWE fans who want to see more of him. Instead, it doesn’t look like he is going to be prominently featured on this year’s WrestleMania card, and if he isn’t, that is a shame.

The falling cruiserweight and women’s divisions will also be featured in at least three matches on the card. Neither division is any good, and they very rarely produce interesting matches, at least not on main WWE programming. These matches are great if you need to make a beer run or have to hit the bathroom, but they are certainly going to be bad if you have to sit there and watch them.

What We Don’t Know Yet

There’s still time between now and April 2 for the situation to develop. Certainly, Braun Strowman is going to fit in somewhere on the card. It looks like Dean Ambrose and Baron Corbin are set to collide in a singles match for the Interconnectional title. If this comes to fruition, it will be a nice departure from the regular 7-man ladder match for the IC title we get every year. There are still many spots open in the André the Giant Memorial Battle Royal match which could lead to a special moment. There is always a chance for a surprise NXT call-up, a returning legend to make a surprise appearance, or an unexpected heel turn. I’ll be sure to stay tuned these next two weeks to see what else happens headed into the biggest night of the year in professional wrestling.

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